Fighting fire with fire

But as I followed him into the living room, it became clear by his slow, stiff movements that walking was an effort.
“I just started physical therapy,” he said, lowering himself carefully onto the couch.
Five months ago, 31-year-old Cawley was one of six firemen who jumped four floors to escape fire in a Bronx apartment. Two of his colleagues, John Bellew and Curtis Meyran, died in the attempt; two others, Jeffrey Cool and Joseph Di Bernardo used a rope to lower themselves to a safer height before jumping. Firefighter Eugene Stolowski also survived the jump.
Cawley narrowly escaped death, breaking his ribs and shoulder, fracturing his chest bone, puncturing a lung and suffering severe concussion after splitting open the left side of his head.
“Its pretty covered up, it healed really well back here,” he said, indicating to the back of his head.
“Fortunately, I didn’t injure much of my lower body because I fell backwards instead of falling forwards or straight down on my legs.”
Recovery has been a slow and painful process for Queens-born Cawley, who has been on leave since Jan 23, when the fire occurred.
“I was in an awful lot of pain for the first couple of months,” he said.
“It still hurts a lot, but I’m just glad to be here.”
Two weeks ago, the FDNY announced it would reissue firemen with ropes in the hope of preventing such a tragedy from recurring. The Department abandoned the use of fire ropes initially because they were too bulky for firefighters to carry.
“Some people say it was about money, some people say they were too bulky, but we needed them,” Cawley said.
“There aren’t many tools we carry that aren’t heavy. The tank we wear on our back alone must weigh 30 or 40 lbs, the ladders are so heavy it sometimes takes to men to carry them but we’re trained for that. Its unfortunate that it happened and I wish we’d had the ropes before. If we had, maybe all six of us would be alive today. I think about those guys and what their families are going through, its tough. It’s a good thing we have them back now, but it’s hard to say I’m happy when it took two lives for it to come about. Two really great guys were lost that day.”
Graduating from the FDNY Fire Academy in September 2004, Cawley had been on the force less than a month when the fire occurred.
“I was a very active person and I trained to get into the academy for over eight months. I was probably in the best shape of my life in January,” he said.
“I probably survived that fall because I was in such good shape. Then I went from the best shape of my life to the worst. I was sent home to heal and when you sit around for four months without doing any activity, you get a lot weaker. I just lost so much strength waiting for my wounds to heal. Then I had to start from the beginning, redeeming all the strength I’d lost after the accident. Now that I’ve started the physical therapy I’ll start to get my strength back, but it’s going to take a long time.”
Sitting back, he paused for a few moments before attempting to explain the emotional impact of his accident.
“It takes its toll on you, sure it does, but I just think, you know, I’m alive. That’s what I have to be grateful for,” he said finally.
“There are two firemen that are not alive and three others who suffered some terrible injuries themselves.”
Cawley is no stranger to the dangers associated with working as a firefighter after his older brother Michael died in the Sept 11 terrorist attacks. Following his brother’s death, Cawley set up the Michael Cawley Memorial Foundation, which helps to fund worthy causes like the Mid-Hudson Valley summer Camp for children with disabilities.
“You never ever get over it, but in time you start to learn to live with it,” he said.
“Does it get easier? I don’t know because sometimes you can have a rough day. Of course Christmas is always hard, birthdays are always hard, holidays and stuff are always really hard. Time does help, that’s for sure, but I think it takes longer than a year to start even healing. I keep in touch with the families of those who were lost. I think of them all the time, I pray for them. I know how hard it is, how long it takes to even accept it and how hard it is to go one without them.”
Getting up slowly, Cawley walked around the living room, looking through plastic folders full of newspaper clippings, sympathy cards, photographs and various other memorabilia to do with his brother.
“That one was taken in Ireland,” he said, holding out a photograph of himself and Michael with their arms around each other, both donning green shirts and grinning broadly.
“A friend of mine took this when he was over in Ireland,” he said, passing me another picture.
“He was in a bar, I can’t remember what county it was, but he looked up behind the bar and there was a mass card for Michael. The bartender had no clue who put it there.”
Michael’s courageous death inspired Cawley to quit his job as an advertising media buyer in 2002 and become a firefighter. Despite his own misfortune, Cawley is determined to go back to firefighting as soon as he’s fit enough.
“I definitely think about the risks and I’m grateful that my mother still has a son left but she supports me and my family supports me in wanting to go back,” he said, sitting down again.
“My life right now is concentrating on getting myself healthy and getting myself back into a normal lifestyle. Hopefully, when I get myself back in shape, I’ll be fit to be a New York fireman again.”
Following his discharge from hospital, Cawley’s Mayo-born mother Mary said she was “completely convinced,” that Michael’s spirit helped her younger son to survive.
“Maybe I survived that and the fall because I’m supposed to go back. Maybe it was a sign,” he said.
“My brother was an inspiration to me before he passed away as well as after. I wasn’t turned of by the events he lost his life through. There’s still men and women out there that have to protect New York City from fire.”
To find out more about the Michael Cawley Memorial Foundation, log on to www.ffmichaeljcawley.org