New & Noteworthy: Biting the hands that fed him

By Eileen Murphy

"EastEnders" star Martin Kemp, who used to be the frontman of ’80s hair band Spandau Ballet, recently finished writing his autobiography. This begs two questions: does anyone even remember Spandau Ballet? And, more important, will anyone be interested in reading this?

Actually, Kemp has assured healthy sales for his book, at least in Ireland, since everyone will want to read his obnoxious remarks about the country. It seems that Martin was a tax exile in the ’80s, and found himself forced to take up residence in Dublin, which he describes as a "green hole."

"Everything here in Dublin is green," he writes in the forthcoming book, titled "True."

"Even the carpet, the bed, the sheets and the [rhymes with clucking] curtains in the apartment are dark green."

Kemp recalls meeting up with the members of Def Leopard, who had taken up residence in Ireland for tax purposes two years earlier.

"They must be mad," he wrote.

Kemp also indulges in a spot of Paddy humor, which will no doubt elicit chortles from his devoted fans.

"I saw a quiz show on TV last night. The host asked the question. ‘What was Hitler’s first name?’ The contestant slammed his hand down hard on the buzzer and a premature smile of success pulled at his lips.

"’Yeah, what’s the answer?’ said the host.

" ‘Heil,’ said the contestant. Oh well, what with that and the weather there was no mistaking where we were."

Surprisingly, Kemp has no plans to do interviews with Irish media in connection with his autobiography. Bummer.

Scary numbers for Higgins Clark

Irish American author Mary Higgins Clark, who has 19 spine-tingling best-sellers to her credit, recently celebrated her 25th anniversary with publishing giant Simon & Schuster.

Back in 1975, S&S took a chance on an unknown author, paying $3,000 to Higgins Clark for her first manuscript, "Where Are the Children." This was a wise investment for the company, since the "Children" are currently in their 70th printing. Over the next quarter century, the author earned over $150 million from company.

And this will send a chill down your spine: last week, Higgins Clark inked a $64 million deal, which breaks down to $15 million for each of her next four novels, and $4 million for her memoirs. And, to sweeten the pot a little more, the bosses gave Mary a $5 million signing bonus. Which means that we’ve gotta start writing mystery novels.

You are getting very sleepy

Famed Irish hypnotist Paul Goldin may find his life story up on the silver screen faster than he can clap his hands and get you to act like a chicken.

Oh, just kidding – about that chicken part, anyway. Goldin, who gained international fame with his highly entertaining stage show and is now a highly respected behavioral psychologist, has been approached by Hollywood producers who want to do a movie based on his life. Sort of.

"They’re hoping to do what they call ‘faction,’ " said Goldin. "That is, part fact and part fiction."

Stars being mentioned in connection with the movie are Richard Gere as Goldin, and Catherine Zeta Jones as, well, we don’t know who. One piece of firm casting is Goldin’s son, actor Ricky Paull Goldin, who will play his father as a young man.

Briefings

British actor Peter Postlethwaite, who was nominated for an Oscar for his role in "In the Name of the Father," loves working in Ireland.

"A lot of people have mistaken me as Irish because I’ve taken on so many [Irish] roles," Postlethwaite said. "It’s fair to say that if I like the script, coming to Ireland to make a movie is a major plus for me. I love the place and I’ve made good friends here."

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Former Waterboys frontman Mike Scott is thisclose to releasing a new album. He’s previewing it this week at a concert in Galway, where he’ll be joined by former bandmate Steve Wickham. More details as he wends his way closer to Amerikay . . .

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It’s become almost a cliché: as soon as we say we’ve seen a show, celebrities flock there so as not to feel left out. We loved Irish star Gabriel Byrne in his Broadway show "Moon for the Misbegotten," so, of course, Jerry Seinfeld and his missus just had to check it out over the weekend. Hmm, if we jumped off a bridge, would they jump, too?

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Pierce Brosnan, whose son Sean was injured in a terrible car wreck recently, will be getting married next month as scheduled. The teen’s doctors have predicted that Sean will make a complete recovery, so Pierce will resume his cinematic and nuptial schedules.

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Irish singer/priest Sinead (Mother Bernadette) O’Connor has completed work on her first album since taking the collar. It’s called "Faith and Courage," and is scheduled for a June release. Not surprisingly, the first single is called "No Man’s Woman," which is only appropriate, her being a woman of the cloth and all. Except that she’s done away with that pesky "No Dating" clause, which makes the whole thing so confusing. Ah, well.

By the way, we hear that O’Connor’s work with the homeless in Dublin has earned her the rank of archdeacon in her Tridentine relgious sect. And, as a special reward, her boss, Archbishop Michael Cox, has declared her an honorary Doctor of Divine Healing.

"Sinead has been given special powers of healing," Cox told Hot Press. "She has a very good spirit." Amen, brother.