New & Noteworthy Bono balances the books

By Eileen Murphy

U2’s lead singer is over the moon, as they say, at the news that the government of the UK has agreed to write off hundreds of millions of pounds in Third World debt.

Bono, who has lobbied tirelessly for debt relief as part of the Jubilee 2000 committee, told reporters that he was "absolutely delighted" by the move. He noted that British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Chancellor Gordon Brown "will be remembered for this."

Not to quibble with the philanthropic singer, but we suspect that Tony the Tiger may be remembered for a few other things, like perhaps his role in forming the Northern Executive . . . or maybe the surprise baby that he and wife, Cherie, are expecting next year.

But we’re getting off the subject. It’s a sure bet that Bono, now that he’s had a taste of victory, will redouble his efforts to get other countries to follow suit. And since he’s already met the pope and addressed the United Nations, he may start going door to door with his appeal. Practice saying, "I’ve already contributed to debt relief at the office, but may I have your autograph anyway, Mr. Famous Rock Star?"

You in the boxes, rattle your jewelry

They’ve done just about everything else, so it’s little wonder that the Corrs will play a sort of command performance for Prince William’s granny on New Year’s Eve.

The Dundalk darlings, who are still mourning the recent death of their mother, will be one of the acts to perform at the Greenwich Dome in London before an audience of 10,000. Other bands taking part in the concert will be M People singer Heather Small and Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall.

Among the screaming fans will be Tony Blair and Queen Elizabeth, who will no doubt enjoy the percussive performance. Somebody had better clue her in on rock and roll concert etiquette, though – lighters on during ballads only, no standing on the seat unless the people in front of you are standing on theirs, and don’t forget to wipe the mouth of the bottle before passing it down the row. And by the way, yer majesty: no shouting "Off with their heads!" if the band doesn’t play "I Never Loved You Anyway." Those royals have such appalling manners, you know.

Booted from BallyK?

Yes, it’s weird to be so addicted to a television show, but we admit it: we can’t get enough of "Ballykissangel." It’s become like "I Love Lucy" or "The Honeymooners" around the "New & Noteworthy" hacienda – no rerun’s too old or moldy to watch again and again and again. And the rejoicing when a new episode makes its debut rivals that which greets a coupon sale at Macy’s.

So it was with a heavy heart that we heard about the departure of series regular Peter Caffrey, who plays Padraig, the local garage owner. According to Caffrey, he was unceremoniously dumped from the show after the writers sent his character on a long vacation.

"One day Padraig hit the bottle and came back to find that his son had left," Caffrey said. "He decides to get himself together, stop drinking and go looking for him. So he does that, and is never seen or mentioned again."

Caffrey was surprised when he got his "Dear John" letter. "It said, ‘We can’t see any further storylines for your character,’ " he recalled. "In other words, ‘You’re gone, you’re fired, get out!’ "

Though the actor will miss being on the hit show, he’s at no loss for work. He will appear with actress Brenda Fricker in a miniseries called "Relative Strangers," and has plans to star in a play.

Caffrey recalls that his most embarrassing moment came when a he played a transvestite in the movie "Night Train."

"One day on the set, I needed to go to the toilet," he said. "I was in full costume – skirt, wig and everything – and I hitched up my skirt." We’ll give you three guesses as to what he was doing.

A Sunday World photographer happened to be present, and snapped a picture at what was, undoubtedly, a very delicate moment.

"A couple of weeks later I got a phone call saying, ‘Have you seen the Sunday World this morning?’ " Caffrey hoored it down to the local newsagents, where he saw "a picture of this very good looking woman standing there having a [rhymes with tree] at the gents urinal and looking over her shoulder," he laughed.

Caffrey was unperturbed by the photo – after all, it was a nice shot – but his mother was less amused.

The poor woman "got phone calls saying, "He the spitting image of you!"

Noel blasts Liam’s champagne supernova

We don’t call the battling Oasis brothers for nothing. We told you about Liam going AWOL on the eve of the band’s American tour, and how the publicist insisted that he was just doing "promotional work" for the label. Well, it seems that big brother Noel has had it up to here (we’ve got our hand up to our forehead) with his baby bro’s antics.

"He’s got to face up to his responsibilities," fumed Noel. "Liam’s all for, ‘Eff this, I’m 27, I’m in the biggest band in the effing world, and I’ll live my effing life the way I want,’ " he said.

"All right, fine, but go and tell that to your little effing boy who’s waiting for you to come home. I think it’s disgusting, to be honest with you," Noel continued. "The relationship with him starts now, the relationship with the band is what it is. It’s only a [rhymes with pretty] little band making a bunch of songs."

Nobel sentiments, we’re sure, but someone needs his mouth washed out with soap, no?

Briefings

Oscar-winning actress Anjelica Huston, who stars in the movie "Agnes Brown" has revealed that as a young model, she was advised to get a nose job because agents thought her honker was too big. The elegant brunette refused, not out of stubbornness, but because "I knew my father [famed director John Huston] would kill me."

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It’s all over bar the shouting and the high-pitched screams, and it’s also official: Irish boy band Westlife has the last number one hit on the Irish and British pop charts with the double "A" side, "I Have a Dream"/"Seasons in the Sun." Not that we think anyone’s really going to care after Jan. 2, 2000, but we suppose it will crop up as a question in the "Trivial Pursuit" edition for the year 3000.

The pubescent punters beat out Sir Cliff Richard and his "Millennium Prayer" which is the Lord’s Prayer set to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne." Also left in the dust were Dustin the Turkey, Robbie Williams and the band’s mentor, Ronan Keating, who reached No. 4 on the chart with Boyzone’s "Every Day I Love You." Like, there’s no accounting for taste . . .