New & Noteworthy Gay has a change of ‘heart’

By Eileen Murphy

Imagine that you’re on the Irish version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and Gay Byrne has just asked you in what part of the body you would find the lunula.

Now, imagine that you know the answer. No phoning a friend, no asking the audience, no 50-50. The answer’s as clear as the nose on your face; it’s like adding two and two.

"In the heart!" you say confidently.

Already you’re spending your winnings in your head. Flashy car. Designer wardrobe. A little nip and tu . . .

"Er, no," says Gaybo. "Actually, it’s in the fingernail."

But it’s in the heart, your inner MD screams. It’s in the heart, dammit. IT’S IN THE HEART . . .

Now, if this were a dream, you’d wake up screaming, wouldn’t you? Well, it actually happened to Irish contestant Shane Doherty last week. Doherty had reached the £64,000 level and was trying to double his money to £125,000 when he was tripped up by the heart-rending query.

After the show aired, the RTE switchboard lit up with calls from doctors, surgeons and other people who know about obscure body parts. All of them gave the finger(nail) to the show’s erroneous answer, confirming that the lunula — whatever that is — can be found somewhere in the ol’ ticker.

Red-faced bosses at Tyrone Productions will give Doherty another shot at winning the million. He’ll return to the show at the £125,000 level, and has asked only that the production company make a donation to a heart-related charity.

"Some people have been saying that I should get appearance money because of all the money they’re going to make from the publicity," Doherty told the press.

"But I’d like to do something for charity instead."

There’s no word on whether Doherty plans to part with any of his own hard-won cash, but, hey, it’s the thought that counts.

And, yes, before you ask, that’s our final answer.

Oasis celebrates

According to our handy-dandy etiquette guide, it’s time to pick out a tasteful anniversary gift in tin or aluminum.

The occasion? Why, those nice Oasis boys — brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher; Irish parents; spent summers in Mayo — are celebrating 10 fun-filled years of being separated by concerned band mates as they try to whack the bejaysus out of one another. Oh, and they’ve made some pretty good music along the way, too.

Like any relationship worth its salt, the brothers have weathered their share of ups and downs. Who can forget Liam spitting on the audience during the band’s appearance on the MTV Music Awards in 1996? Or Liam bailing out of the band’s "MTV Unplugged" gig, opting to sit in the audience, drinking beer and heckling poor Noel as the elder sibling struggled with lead vocals? Or Noel quitting the band in a huff over Liam’s party-hearty ways? (Wait! Is that Barbra Streisand we hear? "Misty water-colored memmmmm-reees . . . ")

The band will mark their 10-year anniversary with a series of concerts in the UK. They’ve chosen venues in Manchester, Glasgow and London for the special shows. According to a band spokesperson, the chosen cities "hold special memories" from a time when they were a struggling band. And, presumably, before they learned to throw a proper punch.

In more Oasis news, we hear that (heeheehee) Liam (oohhoohoo) found himself pelted (haahaahaa) with . . . (whooooooboy)

Sorry, kids. We’ll try to be serious. (Deep breath.)

It seems that Liam found himself dodging tomatoes and (mmmmhaaahaaa) spit the other night during a concert in Paris (whooooeeeehaahaa). No word on why the normally friendly and polite (whooooooooheeheeeheee) French audience singled Liam out for abuse. (Damn! — here come the hiccups.)

In a textbook example (hic) of Do As I Say, Not As I Do, (hic) Liam scolded them from the stage. We like to (hic) think of him wiping saliva and tomato (hic) goo from his face as he shouted, "Don’t spit at me! I’m not a punk, you know." Well, OK, maybe not one they know . . . (hic).

U2’s castle keep

The British music bible NME reports that U2 are this close to adding a second show at Slane Castle, to take place Sept. 1.

Within minutes of going on sale last March, all 80,000 tickets for the band’s Aug. 25 show were snapped up by eager fans. Because of local zoning laws, only one event per year is permitted on the grounds of the historic castle in County Meath.

For months, the band, the public and the press have lobbied politicians either change the law or to make an exception just this once. Though nothing’s definite yet, there’s a good chance that the concert will go ahead. So if you’re planning to be in Ireland on Labor Day weekend, all we can say is, you know where you’ll want to be.

In more U2 news, the band wrapped up the American leg of its Elevation Tour with a show at the Meadowlands in New Jersey last Friday evening. In the audience were two of the band’s favorite public figures: former president Bill Clinton and UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan. Also in the audience, according to our Irish Echo colleague Brian Aherne, were celebrity couple Ed Burns and Christy Turlington. Bono dedicated the song "Wild Honey" to the coosome twosome.

But while the former prez made it to the show, he had to skip the after-party at Pop in NYC. While the band celebrated the end of the American tour with the likes of Chelsea Clinton, Michael Stipe, Moby, Helena Christensen, the Beastie Boys and "Star Wars" cutie Natalie Portman, poor Bill had to head home to Chappaqua. It seems that his Secret Service detail didn’t think the club was secure enough for the ex-world leader, what with all those frisky models frolicking about.

We hear that Bono spent most of the night holed up in the VVIP section, chatting with Chelsea. According to Page Six column in the New York Post, "He refused to speak to anyone else and seemed ‘entranced’ by her."

An eyewitness said that the pair are like "new best friends." Whatever.

Finally, we’d like to share with you some choice quotes from Bono’s hour-long chat with Charlie Rose, which aired last Thursday on PBS.

The show was terrific, touching on everything from the singer’s involvement in debt reduction to his statements that U2 are the "best band on the planet." Rose, unwilling to settle for grand pronouncements or soundbites, prodded Bono to explain the reasons behind his beliefs.

On trading eyewear with the pope: "Sometimes it takes a picture of a pontiff and a pop star to get people talking, because debt cancellation . . . is not a sexy subject."

On being a role model: "I’d like to keep the right to be a pain in the ass and the right to disappoint people."

On spirituality and music: "In rock and roll . . . you can pierce your penis easier than you can sing a prayer. That’s the real taboo."

On his countrymen: "Irish people aren’t very cool. They’re hot. We’re Jamaicans who can’t dance. Or Italian people who can’t dress."

Great show. Fifty-six minutes of unfiltered Bono. If you missed it, watch for a rerun.

Love will keep ’em together

Michael Flatley’s friends are emphatically denying rumors that the fleet-footed Romeo has split with longtime girlfriend, Lisa Murphy.

Flatley and the pneumatic Murphy have been an on-again, off-again item for the last two years. The leggy blonde (Lisa, not Michael) has accompanied the "Feet of Flames" star on vacations to sunny spots throughout the world.

We’ve lost count of the times we’ve opened the Sunday World to see that bronzed figure frolicking on the beach in a tiny bikini (Michael, not Lisa). The thought that Michael might be flying solo drew hoots of derision from his inner circle.

"As far as I know, they are still very much together," said a pal. "I’ve certainly heard nothing about a split."

Lisa, on the other hand, seems to feel that her relationship with the dancer could be on shaky ground.

"He [can’t] resist the advances of other women when I am not there," she confided to her buddies, who confided in the Sunday World.

This poses a bit of a problem for the busty blonde, whose biological clock is apparently ticking loud enough to be heard in neighboring countries.

"I am just dying to have kids," she said.

Flatley fans in NYC, who’ve been pining for a glimpse of their hero in the flesh, will have an opportunity to see him live this weekend. The dancer brings his show to Madison Square Garden this Friday, June 29.