By Eileen Murphy
Before we even get into this next item, we need to get a few things off our chest. Number one: it’s impossible to quote Noel Gallagher verbatim in a family newspaper. Number two: we’re tired of deleting his expletives. Number three: we’re going to work around his potty mouth, using substitute words like fluffing and so on. Because he really is interesting (sometimes). So here we go . . .
In a recent Hot Press interview, Noel was asked if there was any established band that he could point to and say, "I want to be like them in 10 years’ time."
"U2, man," Gallagher replied. "Totally. I’ve said that to people and they go, ‘Ugggh, fluffing hell! U2.’
"Think about it. For them four to stay together that long, with the same management and people around them, is fluffing staggering."
Perhaps remembering Oasis’s own hard slog in trying to break the U.S. pop charts, Gallagher continued, "America didn’t break them, they broke America. They smashed it all the way around the world. They’ve done some pretty fluffing cutting-edge music, and when you meet them, they’re the nicest fluffing guys in the world. They can drink any cunning lads in the room under the table."
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So, come on Noel, tell us how you really feel: do you like them?
"I don’t care what anyone says," he huffed. "They write brilliant fluffing songs!"
Gallagher also took the opportunity to refute the notion that he would take up residence in the west of Ireland, where he spent happy summers with his granny.
"I can’t really see me missus mincing around in the bogs of west Ireland in her Prada gear, can you?" he laughed.
"’Go and get some turf, Meg!’" he called jokingly, and laughed as he imagined her answer: " ‘Fluffing what?’ "
No nookie with Naomi
So, apparently everyone’s scrambling to make it clear that Michael Flatley and Naomi Campbell are, to use that tired old cliché, just good friends. The supermodel showed up at last week’s Brown Thomas charity fashion show with Benetton honcho Flavio Briatore, who is described as her fiancee.
Michael, meanwhile, had no shortage of high-profile female company – he dashed over to the U.S. to pledge his support for First Lady Hilary Clinton’s Senate campaign. Then it was off again to [insert your adjective here: sunny? balmy? genial?] Germany, where he’s deep into rehearsals for the relaunch of "Feet of Flames," a show that makes "Lord of the Dance" look like a leisurely foxtrot.
No word yet on Michael’s reaction to being named the least sexy man in Ireland. But then, who was it that said that any press is good, as long as you spell the name right?
Speaking of Naomi (and we seem to be doing a lot of that lately), she caused a bit of a stir at the BT fashion show by getting her feet tangled in her trailing pink Versace gown and nearly taking a header in front of the 6,000-strong crowd at the Point Depot. This seems to be a trademark of Naomi’s – anyone remember her falling off her 10-inch platforms while modeling Vivienne Westwood a few years back? – but we bet the insurance underwriters start popping Rolaids whenever the see her coming.
So, how do you keep ’em down on the farm after they’ve seen Paree? If we substitute Dublin for "Paree" and the rest of the free world for "farm," and divide by the square root of three, we arrive at the correct answer, which is, can’t be done, and can we have some aspirin now?
This, of course, is a roundabout way of saying that ever since the MTV Awards in November, Dublin has become a major celebrity magnet – yes, even more than it was before. Jetting in for the BT show were Mick Jagger and his model ex, Jerry Hall, his celebrity ex, Marianne Faithfull, model Christy Turlington, singers Mick Hucknall and Ron Wood, race car driver Eddie Jordan, Natalie Imbruglia, Patrick Bergin and three of the Corrs siblings. American television star Jason Priestly changed his zip code for the evening (he stars in "Beverly Hills 90210," get it?) to join in the fun.
Holding court were the members of U2, with Bono, Adam and the Edge sitting sedately in the front row, cheering on their mate Larry Mullen, who decided to shake his little tush on the catwalk. Joining him were Simon Le Bon, Steve Collins and the guy voted "sexiest man in Ireland," Boyzone’s Keith Duffy. Eager to let the audience know exactly what won him this coveted title, Keith stripped down to a T-shirt and a pair of briefs before sauntering offstage.
The after-parties took place at U2’s Clarence Hotel, where Keith presumably kept his pants on while he partied with the other VIPs into the wee hours. In fact, one report states that the party moved upstairs to the penthouse when the hotel staff needed to clear the Tea Room restaurant for breakfast . . .
Ready for his close-up
Well, it’s been almost a couple of weeks since we last brought you any news of Boyzone frontman Ronan Keating, and already we’re getting angry e-mail from his devoted fans (you know who you are).
Well, you’ll all be thrilled to know that Ro is happy as a clam, bunking in sunny L.A. with his wife, Yvonne, and son, Jack, while he outs the finishing touches on his forthcoming solo album. He’s also decided to use his superpowers for good, and has registered with the William Morris Agency. Yes, like many a singer before him, Ronan wants to be an actor and is looking for the right film project. We wish him all the best, of course, but we can’t help noting that most actors want to be singers . . .
Braveheart, weak stomach
So, Bono’s movie, "Million Dollar Hotel" has been screened at the Berlin Film Festival, and there’s still no news of a U.S. distributor. The Star newspaper in Ireland hints that Mel Gibson is unhappy with the final cut of the film and that this may have induced him to skip a scheduled appearance at the festival.
Gibson’s business partner, Bruce Davy, insisted that nothing should be read into the star’s absence.
"Mel’s just finished ‘The Patriot’ and is beginning ‘What Women Want,’ " he explained. Hey, Mel – we know what women want, and it looks just like you . . .