No butts about it

By Eileen Murphy

Mel Gibson has done it. Brad Pitt has done it. The entire cast and crew of "NYPD Blue" insists on doing it, whether we want them to or not. But Irish screen heartthrob Pierce Brosnan won’t do it — no way, no how. Not even to lure viewers into his new movie, "The Thomas Crown Affair."

You’ve probably guessed — "it" is the baring of one’s bum for one’s art (and eager audience). We hear that the ever elegant and tasteful Brosnan refused to allow a glimpse of any cheeks but the ones on either side of his nose during the filming of the movie. Producers had no choice butt (sorry!) to hire a bum double to stand in for the bashful actor.

Personally, while we’re sure the sight would have left audiences shaken, if not stirred, we feel that it’s his right to say (Dr.) No! After all, live and let . . .well, you know the rest.

Never a man can say

a word agin’ me . . .

Well, we told you a few weeks ago that actor Daniel Day Lewis found it strange that people considered him an Irishman when he, personally, thought of himself as English. Of course, he was flattered, etc., etc., but really he was brought up in London, he’s only Irish on his father’s side, blah, blah, blah (can you tell we’re still not quite over it yet?). So imagine our delight when we heard that dreamy Ralph Fiennes, who seems the epitome of English patience, says he’s proud to think of himself as Irish.

The English-born Fiennes spent a great deal of his childhood in Ireland. The family lived for a time in West Cork, in a place Fiennes describes as his "dream home."

"We lived in a chalet . . . on a bay adjacent to a shingle strand that separated the sea from a freshwater lake." he said. "Swans lived on that lake by the chalet and in the evening they would come flying in."

The Fiennes also lived in Kilkenny city, where Ralph, and we presume little brother, Joseph, star of "Shakespeare in Love," attended school.

Fiennes is happy to be working with acclaimed Irish director Neil Jordan on a new movie, "The End of the Affair." The film, which will be shot on location in London, also stars Stephen Rea, Ian Hart and Julianne Moore.

"I suppose I took this film on because it is a great novel and it is set in London, but there’s also some great people behind it who just happen to be Irish," Fiennes told the Sunday World.

"I had several homes when I was growing up," he recalled, "but my favorite was in Ireland."

PS: we’re assuming that it was in Ireland that Ralph had the impish inspiration to forever annoy English people by changing the pronunciation of his name. For the record, he says "Rafe Fine." Blimey!

Chieftains, Ivers

fiddlin’ around

Checking in with the Chieftains always keeps us up to date on both the traditional and pop music scenes. The most famous Irish band in the world is set to unveil their latest collaboration, "Tears of Stone," which features a lineup of female guest stars. Lending their talents are pop divas Sinead O’Connor and Joan Osborne, as well as Sissel, Lorena McKinnett and the legendary Joanie Mitchell.

In addition, the band is poised to begin their spring tour with their special guest, fiddle virtuoso Eileen Ivers. Those of us who feel that St. Patrick’s Day is just not complete without a heaping dose of Paddy Moloney and the boys will want to make their reservations early for the band’s March 17 concert at Carnegie Hall . . .

If she could talk

with the animals

Just in case you had doubts about the sanity of your Great Aunt Tessie who talks to her parakeet, relax. It’s quite the thing to do these days — at least in certain circles.

We hear that rock’n’roll spouse Meg Matthews, who’s married to Oasis star Noel Gallagher, is loathe to be away from her kitty cats for even a few days. Which is why Meg, who’s sunning herself with the hubby in (watch your pronunciation!) Phuket, Thailand, is running up her phone bill with calls to her lonely kitties.

Says Meg, "I phone home and leave messages on the answering machine so they can hear my voice."

See, it’s hard being separated from your pets.

"I still miss them like crazy," she continued. "I read a book which says that you should always tell your cat that you are going away and when you will be back, and not to slink off without a word."

Well, we’re not sure what kind of cats Meg has. As far as our own kitty, Spike, is concerned, we could take a slow boat to China as long as we left her enough Whiskas, water and Tidy Cat for the year. But then, she might miss us following her around saying, "Spike! Spikey! C’mere Spike. Heeeere, Spike. Spikey . . . pssss, pssss, pssss. Spiiiiikeeee . . . Would you come . . . oh, just forget it . . ."

All we hear is

Radio Gaa Gaa

Move over, Howard Stern and Don Imus (well, especailly Don Imus). Ireland’s own outrageous radio personality (we’re resisting the term "Shock Jock") has hit the airwaves and the internet, and Irish radio will just never be the same again.

Ireland’s pop-oriented 2FM Radio has hired a wacky, out-there DJ named Gerry Wilson for the 2-6 a.m. graveyard shift, and he’s attracted a huge following with features like dumb blonde jokes, racy songs and some plain talking. When a listener sent him an e-mail requesting that he play a song by Kyliue Minogue, Wilson responded, "I’ve no intention of playing that Aussie tart!" He responded to an irate listener by playing a jingle with the heart-rending refrain, "You’re a [rhymes with bite] hawk!"

Thanks to World Web Radio, Wilson has developed a loyal following in places like Australia despite, or perhaps because of, the Kylie crack, and the time difference, which means the show is on during the day Down Under.

"The punters can simply tune in to 2FM on the internet and access you with e-mail from anywhere in the world," he told the Sunday World.

"For me it’s the best time of day because you can do what you want within reason. It’s permanent tongue-in-cheek and makes people go, ‘What the hell is this?’ And then they stick with it."

Those of you who want to hear the show can go tot he 2FM website, or contact Wilson at worldwebradio@iol.ie. Of course, that’s after you go to the Irish Echo website at contest@irishecho.com and vote for your favorite Irish band. Since you’ll be on the internet anyway, right?