New & Noteworthy: Pierce is a minute man

By Eileen Murphy

If you happen to bump into “Janes Bond” star Pierce Brosnan at some swanky party this holiday weekend, be sure to glance at his arm — if you can tear your eyes away from his chisled features — before asking him for the time. We hear that the actor, dubbed People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” has a bad habit of misplacing his wristwatches.

Of course, Brosnan doesn’t wear regular old Swatch watches or Timex tickers. The dashing 007 has an exclusive contract with high-end European watchmakers Omega, and thus, is always on omega time. Which makes us wonder, is it possible for him to be both the alpha and the omega, or just the omega, and are we just free-associating biblical references because it’s hot and there’s 110 percent humidity and our hair looks like a giant, frizzy puffball.

Anyway, Pierce is certainly turning out to be something of a high-maintenance endorser for the Omega guys, because he keeps losing the pricey timepieces, and, according to Brosnan’s endorsement contract, the company is obliged to furnish him with replacements, free of charge. Word is, Navan’s favorite son is already on his fourth watch, and unless the company finds a way to superglue it to his wrist, it won’t be his last. The problem is that Brosnan usually has to remove his watch when he’s on camera, and it often gets mislaid. Which means there are at least three lucky cleaners out there sporting really high-end arm candy.

In more Pierce news, the Sunday World reports that time marches on, even in the land of the extremely rich and good-looking. Apparently, the hunky 48-year-old actor is seeing his hairline recede — or rather, watching his forehead expand — as he reaches middle age. This has rattled the “Bond” producers to the point that they’ve insisted that Pierce wear a — gasp! — toupee while shooting the new Bond thriller. “Die Another Day.”

Set insiders report that the realistic-looking rug is so firmly attached, it could withstand almost anything.

“Pierce can even do scenes in the wind without worrying about it blowing off,” said the source. Though Pierce might not see it this way now, we think the hair thing is a good omen — for him, and his place in the Bond pantheon. After all, the original (and best) Bond, septuageneric superbabe Sean Connery, bid his hair follicles a fond farewell many moons ago, while Bonds George Lazenby, Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton were nothing more than hair apparents, if you catch our drift . . .

Liam Gallagher

Oasis bad boy Liam Gallagher is a proud throwback to the days when being a rock star meant never having to say, “Anybody up for a jog?”

The mercurial singer, whose offstage antics include ingesting a wide range of recreational substances, insulting the press and punching out photographers, fans, and pretty much anyone who looks at him crossways, says that there’s no way to improve upon perfection.

“Rock stars exercising?” he asked rhetorically. “I don’t think it’s right. You either got it or you ain’t.”

And, as,far as he’s concerned, he’s got it.

“I drink too much, but you won’t catch me doing sit-ups or jogging,” he said emphatically. And we have to say, he’s got a point. God forbid he should spill his beer.

Liam says that the sight of other rockers breaking a sweat almost makes him gag.

“You see pictures of Bono running around L.A. with his little white legs and a bottle of Volvic [water] and he looks like a fanny,” snorted Gallagher. “I mean, maybe if it was a bottle of vodka . . .”

We have to admit, that’s a funny thought. And just imagine if Bono were running with his little white legs, a bottle of vodka, Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill and conservative Sen. Jesse Helm in tow, discussing Third World debt. Just the thought should be enough to send Liam straight into the arms of a personal trainer.

In related Oasis news, we hear that, according to Liam’s big bruv Noel, middle-aged music legends like Bono, Sting, Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi and, yes, even Noel himself, might as well pack it it right now. They’re just too old to, well, rock. And pop star Kylie Minogue, the wonder from Down Under, is apparently in league with the Man Downstairs.

First things first — let’s examine the geriatric rock star thing.

“Rock musicians on the wrong side of 30 only ever write about trivial stuff,” said the 35-year-old Gallagher.

“The Rolling Stones are rubbish nowadays and John Lennon and George Harrison only produced crap after they reached 30.”

Noel feels that there are only a few things actually worth writing about: love, anger, sex and drugs.

In an interview with a German magazine, he said modestly, “I often think when I’m writing new songs that I’ve already said it better before.”

Gallagher also worries about losing his street cred now that he’s rich and famous. His main ambition, he says, it to continue writing songs from the perspective of “a working-class bloke from a council estate in Manchester.” The irony, of course, is that your typical “working-class bloke” would give his right arm to trade places with Gallagher and his fat bank account.

Now to the Kylie thing. Noel recently labeled the pop cutie, who’s currently burning up the pop charts with dance hits like “Can’t get You Outta My Head,” a “demonic little idiot.”

We’re not sure why Noel thinks the Aussie singer is in league with the devil, but it seems to have something to do with her career success in America — the market that Oasis failed to crack a few years back.

“She gets cool dance producers to work with her for some bizarre reason, I don’t know why,” sniffed Gallagher. “Just look at her, and that big gap between her eyebrows an’ all!”

OK, technically, we made that last part up, but you know that’s what the monobrowed musician is thinking. He also thinks her moniker is naff, which is British for “crapola.”

“She doesn’t even have a good name,” growled Noel. “It’s a stupid name, Kylie. I just don’t get it.” Obviously, he doesn’t spend much time with Satan’s minions, among whom Kylie is reportedly a very common name, quite like Sue or Beelzebub . . .

Liam to get his exorcise

Fresh off his triumphant Broadway run starring in the Broadway revival of “The Crucible,” Liam Neeson making the publicity rounds for his new movie, “The Widowmaker,” getting ready to star as Fr. Merrin in “The Exorcist 4:1,” and making plans to star in a revival of “Camelot” alongside the missus, Natasha Richardson. As they say in Ireland, any flies on this boy are paying rent.

First, let’s talk about the new movie. Liam stars opposite Harrison Ford in the Russian-themed thriller, and from what we saw in the trailer, both of them spend a lot of time wearing heavy overcoats and scowling at one another. We also remember seeing lots of snow in the background, so “Beach Blanket Bingo” this ain’t.

More exciting for Liam is the prospect of putting his soul (pardon the pun) into playing the disillusioned priest in the “Exorcist” prequel, which begins filming later this year.

“I play Max von Sydow’s character from the first ‘Exorcist,’ ” said Neeson. “Our film will tell how he lost his faith, met the Devil and regained his faith.” (Note to Noel Gallagher: No, Kylie Minogue has not been retained as an underworld consultant.)

Liam’s only misgiving about the film stems from the fact that the original director, John Frankenheimer, has bowed out of the project.

“One of the reasons I signed on is because I wanted to work with Frankenheimer,” he told an entertainment website. “It’s a real bummer he’s not doing it.”

Liam says he’s still committed to the film, as long as producers hire a suitable replacement for Frankenheiner.

“I’m a real trouper, so I’ll stay on the project as long as they don’t decide to go with Joe Schmo,” said Neeson, who knows that the devil’s in the details, so to speak.

And finally, we’re ready to start dialing for tickets right now, if Liam and Natasha do indeed decide to costar in a revival of “Camelot.” In addition to the couple’s onstage chemistry (fans will remember that these two fell in love when they costarred in the Broadway revival of “Anna Christie” a few years back), Liam could give Richard Harris a run for his money in the role of Arthur. And fans will recall that Natasha won a Tony for her performance in “Cabaret,” so it sounds like Broadway may be due for a brief and shining moment, here with “Camelot.”